[*BCM*] Stupidity

[Dionne, James]

Stupidity is so rampant that I actually tried this fascinating
experiment this very day as I was peddling along on my bicycle. I had my
ipod blaring and the "pedal to the metal" as I happily raced along,
passing cars with a big "whoosh!" and yelling at the pretty girls hoping
that they would say, "Oh, you are so handsome! Take me for a ride on
your big black single-speed zen-like bicycle and I will let you do
whatever you want, over and over again, until you are exhausted!"

 

After a while I was pretty grumpy because none of the girls wanted to go
for a ride and most of them threatened to call the police if I did not
stop bothering them and yelling at them, which was prophetic in its own
way because the police soon pulled me over.

 

Anyway, the thought of being pulled over by the police on my bicycle
would normally have me in a panic, but this time I was ready! So as I
pulled over to the side of the road, I smiled smugly to myself as the
grim-faced cop came sauntering up to me, whereupon he started
predictably yammering about giving me a ticket for speeding.

 

Coolly, and with a sneer on my face, I told him that it wasn't my fault!
I explained that, yes, I had my feet on the peddles, but the bike went
fast all by itself! In fact, the more I pushed on the peddles, the
faster the bicycle went! It's obviously one of the mysteries of the
universe!

 

He just kept calmly writing out the citation in that damned little pad
of his, and I kept explaining how this is the exact same scenario that
"THE POWERS THAT BE" keep yammering about! They say that roaring speed
in their cars, like the roaring speed of my vehicle, happens all by
itself, and if he wanted to hand out tickets for mysteries of the cosmos
like this, then why doesn't he get his fat, stupid cop butt back into
his stupid little cop car and arrest all the automobile scofflaws?

 

Of course, I naturally figured that with these kinds of references, he
would soon see the powerful validity of my argument about how I was
right that the speed of my bicycle was not my fault, and send me merrily
on my way, again happily speeding, the ipod blaring and me yelling at
the pretty girls. But he didn't. He started giving me a hard time! The
bastard!

 

Then I decided to play my trump card, and told him that I can't be given
a traffic citation because I had already given myself a pardon for any
crimes I may have committed, including traffic infractions, just like
Bush and Cheney have given themselves a pardon-in-advance against being
charged with war crimes of which they are obviously guilty.

 

My argument is simple: If these two despicable creeps could pass
legislation that trumps international laws and conventions to which we
are signatory members, then surely I can be above the law, too! It's
just a matter of creating the right pieces of paper!

 

It didn't work. He knew I was an idiot. And I know a couple of other
idiots, but they didn't get tickets for speeding. See the kind of
discriminatory crap I have to put up with every damned day of my life it
seems?

 

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